Let Me Hold You Page 3

  He just sat there and stared at me for a moment before standing from the chair, muttering, “I’ll be back soon to see what’s going on with him,” and leaving without giving me the opportunity to offer a rebuttal.

  Once the door closed behind him, I rested my head on my desk and blew out a frustrated breath, because truthfully, I had forgotten to tell Elrich, our social worker, about Shemar. Like I said, I had been putting out fires, and Shemar actually had slipped through the cracks of my memory. And well…I felt like shit because of it. Total and complete shit.

  *****

  “So you think there’s some abuse going on?” Elrich asked.

  I nodded, took a sip of my drink, and sighed. “Unfortunately, yes. All signs point to it; there are red flags flapping all over this situation. If you can find the time, I’d really appreciate you reaching out to his mom, maybe make a home visit?”

  He gave me a pensive nod. “You think it’s the father?”

  “From the way he froze up when she mentioned him? Definitely.”

  “Okay. I’ll try to set something up for when he’s not home if he works.”

  “She mentioned he’d gotten off early that day, so I assume he does.”

  “Okay, great. I’ll try to call the mother’s job first thing in the morning since you say her phone is off, see what I can set up. But you know she has to accept any help I offer, and most abuse victims don’t initially.”

  “You know I know that. I also know some women are just waiting for someone to reach out, to show them an escape route.”

  “True, true. You know, you’re good at this job.”

  “Tell Leland McClain that. He seems to have a problem with how I got this job.”

  Elrich shrugged. “He doesn’t know your whole story. From the outside looking in, it could appear that you’re just filling the position in name only, but the community knows better. Everyone knows you’ve been doing this type of work for years.”

  “Always the voice of reason. Thank you. Now, on to more pressing matters.” I scooted closer to him on the sofa in his small living room, planting a kiss on his lips. When he gently pushed against my chest, I backed away a bit and frowned. “What’s wrong?”

  “Uh, I’m glad you wanted to come over, because we need to talk…about us.”

  I looked into his gray eyes, saw how his bushy eyebrows were nearly meeting, and watched as he dragged his fingernails over his low-cut, salt-and-pepper hair. Elrich was twenty years older than me and kind to a fault. He was struggling with something he needed to tell me, and all I could think was…shit.

  This wasn’t going to be good. Not that I was in love with him or anything like that, but at least he’d kept the cobwebs off my vagina and provided a good stress-reliever for me when I needed one since I’d moved back to Da Lou. We usually hooked up only once or twice a month, but the arrangement had been a nice one. No mind-blowing, addictive sex, but decent intimacy that both of us were mature enough not to let interfere with our working relationship, despite the fact that me screwing a subordinate was definitely a reckless thing to do. Yes, I realized that, but I never claimed to be the best decision-maker, and shit, a woman has needs, and Elrich was the safest bet for me. Or at least I thought he was. But I could tell from the look in his eyes that my safe bet was about to let me down.

  “Kim, you know I care about you, and I enjoy spending time with you, but I’m…” He paused as if it was killing him to say what he was going to say next.

  “You want to end this? Just say it, Elrich.”

  “I need to end it. Me and Adana are trying to work things out, and this—us—it’s eating at my conscience. I feel like I’m betraying her by continuing with our arrangement.”

  “Y’all are getting back together? Well, that’s great! And I understand. I know you’ve always wanted your wife back, so I get it. I really do.”

  “Ex-wife. But yeah, putting my family back together is a dream come true. Thanks for understanding.”

  I nodded as I stood from the sofa and grabbed my purse. “No problem. I wish you nothing but happiness. I truly do.”

  “Thank you.”

  Minutes later, I was in my car shaking my head at myself. I wasn’t even sad about this. I was just…exhausted. I was always exhausted. No matter how I tried to arrange my life for my comfort, it resulted in my discomfort. I was always working or moving around not working, always busy trying not to think about my past, but it was forever chasing me, and I was tired of it. Really, really tired of it. It felt like an old record played over and over in my mind, blasting my past mistakes, past hurts, the past hurts I’d inflicted on the people around me, the people I loved most, at top volume. I needed a new tune, something good in my life that wasn’t attached to me making a dumb decision to get it like Elrich was. I needed something, period. Shit, anything besides the status quo of work and loneliness and regret.

  Love, that’s what you need. Real love. True love. You deserve it and it’s time.

  I laughed at the foolishness oozing from my brain, like actually laughed out loud at it. Me falling in love, being in a romantic relationship where I spent time with a man and got to know him and felt things for him? I’d been there and done that with disastrous results for all involved. I brought out the worst in men. That’s just what I did. No sense in going down that road again. What I didn’t need was love. What I did need was another booty call prospect.

  Yep, that was what I needed.

  5

  My phone rang just as I was leaving the men’s restroom, making my way through the building. I grinned when I saw the name on the screen and answered the call with, “Yo!” I’d had a good time with the boys at the center that evening and had stayed late to work with a few of the them, giving them some extra pointers. Shemar was in that group. It did my heart good to see him come back after missing a few days. So I was in a decent mood.

  “Hey, man. Where you at? Shady Pines?” was my silly-ass brother, Everett’s, greeting.

  “What the fuck is a Shady Pines?”

  “A nursing home. Ain’t that where Agnes lives? Y’all be kicking it in her semi-private room?”

  “Fuck you. You called to jone me? Ain’t you halfway across the world and don’t you have a wife, a young one your old ass probably can’t even keep up with?”

  “Shiiiiiit, she the one who can’t keep up. Ain’t nothing wrong with my stamina. Just because you can half-fuck Bernice ‘nem into satisfaction don’t mean you get to hate on me.”

  “Like you used to half-fuck old Esther? I mean, talk about an old-ass name…”

  “Out of bounds, youngin’.”

  “Naw, that was in bounds like a motherfucker. You don’t get to keep fucking with me when your first wife is old enough to be your second wife’s mother.”

  “I see you playing dirty. Don’t make me hop on a plane and come kick your ass.”

  “Bring your ass here if you want, and I’ma break your old-ass hip.”

  “Fuck you.”

  “Fuck yourself.”

  “Eat shit.”

  “Suck an ass.”

  “So how’s things going? I ain’t read about no fights yet.”

  “Ain’t been no fights. Daniels ain’t been here.”

  “Ain’t that his program?”

  “Yep.”

  “And the nigga ain’t been there?”

  “Nope.”

  “That’s fucked up.”

  “Not really. I mean, it’s a bunch of us players in rotation. It’s actually a really good program.”

  “I bet you been putting in more hours than anyone, ain’t you?”

  “You know how I do it. So what’s up with y’all? Where you at now? Germany?”

  “Naw, got a few days off so we’re in Italy—Venice.”

  “Nice. How’s the wife and new daughter?”

  “Good—shit, great. Loving married life.”

  “Ella?”

  “Ella’s good. We added a couple of shows in Australia. Sh
e’s gonna join us there. Aye, I called because me and Jo are planning a party when we get back to LA next month. Trying to give you a heads-up. I need you to be there.”

  “A party? What kind of party?”

  “For Nat’s birthday. It’s in July. It’ll be a few kids there, but Jo wants family there, too.”

  “Gotcha. Just text me the details. I’ll make sure to be there.”

  “Bet. Now I just gotta track Neil down and hope he’s sober that day or ain’t got his ass beat over some bet.”

  By this time, I had checked the locker room and the gym to make sure they were both empty and was heading toward the front doors. “Let me know what’s up with him. I ain’t heard from him in a minute, and he ain’t returning my calls.”

  “Damn, you too? Shit. I hope his ass is okay.”

  “Me, too—aye, let me hit you back, Ev.”

  “A’ight.”

  I stood just outside the building, letting the doors close behind me as I fixed my eyes on Shemar. He was parked on the same bench he’d been waiting on before, the same dejected look on his face.

  “Ride late?” I asked, basically stating the obvious.

  Without looking up, he nodded.

  “It’s your mom again? Or is your dad supposed to be coming?”

  Eyes still on the ground, he almost growled, “He ain’t my daddy.”

  I stood there for a second before taking the seat beside him. “Okay…he’s your stepdad?”

  He shook his head, finally looking up at me. “No, my mom’s boyfriend. He my little sister’s daddy.”

  “You got a little sister? Man, I’m jealous. I’m the youngest in my family.”

  “I know. I know everything about you. Big South’s your brother.”

  I nodded. “Yep. Best big brother in the world. Took care of me when I was a kid. You got any big brothers or sisters?”

  “Naw, it’s just me and Naheera.”

  “How old is Naheera?”

  “Three.”

  “You take care of her, watch out for her like my brother did for me?”

  “I try, but her dad—”

  “Happy No Panty Day, heifer!” followed by laughter cut Shemar off. When she said, “That is a real holiday, you trick! We drinking tonight or what? I had a day straight from the rivers of hell,” I hopped up.

  She damn near jumped out of her skin when she saw me, quickly ended the call, and shrieked, “What are you doing out here?! You almost gave me a heart attack! Look, man, you are entirely too big to be out here lurking around!”

  Instead of a verbal response, I moved so that Ms. Hampton could see Shemar sitting on the bench.

  Her mouth dropped open, and embarrassment clouded her pretty face. “Uh, what’s—sweetie, do you need to call a ride, or do you need me to take you home?”

  Before he could answer, a car came screeching into the parking lot. Same car, same worn-out-looking mother. She apologized profusely, snatching Shemar toward her and basically dragging him to the car. For the second time, this woman barely looked at me, which never happened. I mean, I’m not conceited or anything, but women usually stared at me, if not because they thought I was fine, because I was so damn tall. Yeah, something was definitely going on with her.

  Movement from the side of me shifted my attention from Shemar and his mom to Kim Hampton. “Wait!” she shouted. “I need to talk to you about something. My social worker has been trying—”

  The doors shut, and the car sped away, leaving Ms. Hampton standing on the lot muttering, “…trying to contact you.”

  My ass stood there for a minute, unsure of what to say, because that was fucked up.

  Finally, she turned to me, and said, “I tried, and my social worker’s been trying…”

  “So y’all done? I mean, that’s it? All y’all gonna do is try?”

  “I didn’t say that. Damn, what is it with you? Do you think I don’t want to help him when that’s the purpose of this whole program? Or are you on me because of the man who funds this place? If that’s it, then you can go and leave us alone. We have plenty of volunteers.”

  I moved closer to her. “What happened to all that gratitude you were shoving at me before?”

  “Shoving? Really?”

  “Yes, shoving. Not grateful anymore?”

  Shaking her head, she said, “You know what? I don’t have time for this.”

  “Got a hot date for No Panty Day you need to get to or something?”

  “You had no right to eavesdrop on my phone call.”

  “I didn’t eavesdrop on shit. You were talking loud.”

  She huffed and rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”

  “Yeah, whatever. I just hope you aren’t giving up on helping that boy and his mom.”

  “I said I wasn’t!” She lowered her voice and shook her head. “Look, I don’t have to answer to you when I know I’m doing my job and so is everyone else around here.”

  “Then why is this the second time I found Shemar out here alone after this place shut down? Shouldn’t your staff be making sure the kids get home safely?”

  “That—” Her eyes slid from my face to the sky and back. “That’s something I need to address. A camp counselor should’ve been here to make sure Shemar got home. I guess they all…overlooked him.”

  I could tell it hurt her to say that, so I replied with, “Exactly.”

  “Look, Mr. McClain. We really are doing our best here. No one is intentionally trying to hurt anyone, least of all that young man.”

  “That’s usually the case, Ms. Hampton, but that doesn’t make it any better.”

  “So what are you going to do? Report us?”

  I shook my head. “Naw, I’ma just make sure y’all don’t overlook him again.”

  “I didn’t overlook him, Mr. McClain. My staff did, and I assure you that will be taken care of.”

  “It better.”

  6

  “Hello!” I barked into the phone as I sat up on the side of the bed and rubbed my forehead. I’d woken up with a headache, I was tired of sleeping in a damn hotel, and was basically pissed at the world. I needed to take a trip to LA or Houston so I could spend time with my family, which was the only thing that would lift my mood at this point, but I was training and when I wasn’t training, I’d trapped myself in St. Louis by agreeing to volunteer so many hours at King’s Dream.

  “I see you woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” Aunt Ever’s voice plowed into my ear. I loved her, but she was as loud as most old country women were.

  “The problem is, it ain’t my bed. I hate sleeping in hotel beds.”

  “Then buy a house and put a bed in it, boy!”

  I sighed and shook my head. As loud as she was talking, just hearing her voice had eased some of my tension, and I could feel my headache slipping away. “I’m trying. I think I want a condo instead of a house, but I ain’t had time to look at much of nothing, Auntie.”

  “You got one of them real estate ladies helping you?”

  “Naw, been trying to do it by myself.”

  “That has always been your problem, Leland Randall McClain. You always try to do everything yourself, including saving the world. You work hard then spend every break you get volunteering somewhere. You got to learn how to rest. That’s probably why you got that headache.”

  “How you know—”

  “Because you used to get them when you were little, and even though they don’t really slow you down, they always put you in a bad mood. How long you had this one?”

  “Off and on for a couple of weeks.”

  “Been back to the doctor?”

  “No…they all say the same thing, that it’s tension and I just need to get more rest, take better care of myself, be intentional about relaxing when I feel the headaches coming on. That same old bull…”

  “Like I been telling you for free all these years.”

  “I know, Auntie. I’ma do better.”

  “Mm-hmm, and while you’re doing b
etter, you better do like every other rich person does: hire someone to find you somewhere to live there in St. Louis and stop being so stubborn. You need you an assistant like Tick got Courtney. You can’t do it all, baby. You need to stop trying.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh to myself at her referring to my brother, Everett, by his nickname. No matter that he was a rap legend or I was a supposed NBA star, we were just her nephews as far as she was concerned, and I loved that about her. If no one else did, Aunt Ever was good at reminding us that we were just regular guys. “You’re right, Auntie. I’ma call a real estate agent today.”

  “You still seeing that woman you was with when I talked to you a few weeks back?”

  And she stayed in my personal business. You’d think she was my actual mom rather than a once-guardian and current aunt the way she rode me about settling down. But at least she didn’t judge me for preferring to date older women. “Naw, haven’t seen her since that morning.”

  “Been ignoring her calls?”

  “No, ma’am. I told you, I stopped doing that the last time you got on to me about it. I just wasn’t feeling her, and I let her know I couldn’t see her anymore. And you do know I just turned twenty-seven, right? You don’t have to keep questioning me like I’m eighteen and just going off to college.”

  “I know you grown, just worry about you.”

  “Don’t. I’ma be fine.”

  “You’ll be fine when you get you a wife.”

  “Neil and Nolan don’t have wives, either, and they’re older than me. You don’t be in their business like this.”

  “I didn’t raise Nolan and Neil. They weren’t never…mine. You was, and until you get you a wife, my work with you won’t be done.”

  “Okay, Auntie. I hear you.”

  “Mm-hmm. Headache better?”