All I Want: A Christmas Short Read online

  All I Want

  (A CHRISTMAS SHORT)

  Alexandria House

  Pink Cashmere Publishing, LLC

  Arkansas, USA

  Copyright © 2019 by Alexandria House

  All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  Printed in the United States of America

  First Printing 2019

  Pink Cashmere Publishing, LLC

  [email protected]

  1

  Navy

  I stared out my windshield at the house, at the oversized decorations crowding the front lawn. Dormant strings of lights outlined this home, my childhood home, and on the roof stood replicas of Santa Claus and his reindeer. If I closed my eyes tightly enough, I could almost see my father standing at the end of the driveway admiring his handiwork, but he was gone—one of the reasons I tried to talk myself out of coming home. Reason number two’s vehicle was sitting on the street in front of the house.

  My ex.

  “Ma is just wrong for this shit,” I mumbled to myself.

  Well, at least my sister, Heidi, had been considerate enough to send me a warning text message since she’d arrived before me to find him in the kitchen helping Ma, and the moment I read that message, my heart dropped. He was the last person I wanted to see—ever.

  “Fuck,” I hissed to myself, gripping the steering wheel. After blowing out a breath, I sighed and finally exited my car, making my way to my mother’s front door.

  Lakeland

  I had moved from Mrs. Gina’s kitchen into the living room, and as I fell into an easy chair, I felt uncomfortable than a motherfucker, but I wanted, needed, to see my girl.

  My ex girl.

  Shit.

  Every time I thought about her being my ex, my chest tightened. She should’ve still been mine, and this Christmas, I was going to fix this shit.

  I was going to get her back. I had to.

  “Now, who are you, baby? You one of Gina’s kids? You don’t look like the other ones,” an older woman dressed in a pink track suit and white pumps loudly asked me as she dropped onto the sofa across from me, placing a huge pink handbag in her lap. I recognized her as Navy’s great aunt Princess. I was sure that was who she was because of the huge pearl earrings and necklace she wore, something I’d seen her wear before, but she evidently didn’t recognize me.

  I gave her a smile, but before I could answer her, Navy’s younger sister, Heidi, who’d entered the room in time to hear Aunt Princess, said, “No, Auntie. He used to be Navy’s boyfriend. You don’t remember him?”

  I tried not to flinch. I mean, it was the truth. What we had was definitely in the past, but the words sounded so diminishing, as if our time together was insignificant rather than a relationship that spanned a decade.

  “Naw, but y’all young folks always got somebody new every time I see you. I can’t keep up,” the older lady said.

  I refused to let that get to me. I wouldn’t let my mind wonder if Navy had brought someone else home to meet her family. I had to keep it together if I was going to win her back.

  “Me and my Delbert was together for sixty-two years before he passed. Y’all young folks just give up too quick,” Aunt Princess continued.

  Heidi rolled her eyes and muttered, “And your Delbert had about ten outside kids, too.”

  “What, baby?” Aunt Princess asked, cupping her right ear.

  “Oh, I forgot about your hearing, Auntie. I said, that’s beautiful,” Heidi shouted.

  I just smiled and shook my head. Then I took in my immediate surroundings. The living room was huge, just like the rest of the house. The seven-foot Christmas tree was beautiful as were the poinsettias and holly that decorated the room. Navy’s family didn’t play about Christmas and I loved it. The room began to fill up with more of the family entering through the front door, including a few cousins I’d met before, Navy’s brother, Junior, and his girl, Tatiana. Everyone but Navy.

  Just when someone decided to cut the stereo on and Donny Hathaway began to serenade us with his plans for This Christmas, a knock sounded at the front door. Then the doorknob turned, and she walked in, still gorgeous…still beautiful, with smooth mocha skin. She was wearing jeans and a red blouse. The jeans hugged her ample curves, and although the blouse had a high neckline, her cleavage was more than apparent.

  I licked my lips and straightened in my seat as her eyes rounded the room, eventually landing on me. “Hey, everyone,” she said softly, shifting her eyes away from me. “Um, Merry Christmas.”

  Nearly everyone in the room chorused “Merry Christmas” in response, and as Heidi and Junior each pulled her into hugs, I took in her kinky-curly hair, the tall boots she wore, and her scent. Navy always smelled so good. It wasn’t necessarily perfume. It was just her.

  She’d hugged virtually everyone in the room before settling her big round eyes on me again. “Hey, Lake.”

  I couldn’t stop myself from smiling as I returned, “Hey.”

  2

  Navy

  He greeted me in that deep voice of his, and I feared my knees would buckle. He looked just as handsome as I remembered, green eyes against a chocolate backdrop of skin. Long legs stretched out before him, a smile on his goatee-framed lips that I was certain could stop traffic. The whole room smelled like his cologne, or maybe not. Maybe my sense of smell just involuntarily homed in on his frustratingly familiar scent. And my heart? It was beating erratically. I had to get out of that room and away from him, so I excused myself to the kitchen where I knew my mother was stationed.

  “Hey, Ma,” I greeted her, making her jerk into an erect posture from where she’d been peeking in the window on the oven door.

  Spinning around, she gave me a huge grin. “Aw, it’s my Navy!” Then she pulled me into her fluffy body, the one I’d inherited from her, and enveloped me in the warmest hug. I’d missed her hugs while dodging the feelings being in this place induced. I hated my little efficiency apartment, which was all I could afford, but at least being in it brought me peace.

  Backing out of the hug, she let her eyes survey me. “You look beautiful, sweetie, all except for that scowl playing at your lips.”

  “Why, Ma?” I groaned.

  Turning back to the oven, she chirped, “Why what, sugar?”

  “Why is Lakeland Davenport here?”

  “Because I invited him.”

  Silence from me.

  She turned back around to face me, and with a sigh, said, “Follow me.”

  We ended up in her and my dad’s bedroom, and I couldn’t help but notice that all traces of him were gone. That wasn’t surprising, but it was sad. It was Christmas, and my daddy was gone.

  She patted the bed. “Come. Sit next to me.”

  I did as she said, taking a seat on the foot of the neatly made bed right next to her.

  Grasping my hand in her soft one, she began to speak. “That boy loves you, Navy, and you love him. I still believe in love even after everything I went through with your dad. I also believe you need and deserve the love Lakeland wants to give to you. Me and him talk often over the phone. He’s always asking about you, and I invited him to dinner today so he could see you because I knew you’d be too stubborn and foolish to do it.”

  “Foolish?” I squeaked.

 
“Yes, foolish.”

  I blew out a breath and raised my eyes from the floor to her face. “Do you miss him?”

  “Your father?” She shrugged. “Sometimes. But he made the decision to leave and move off to Bora Bora or wherever with that woman.”

  “Florida?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Same thing.”

  I shook my head. “How can you just go on like he was never here?”

  “What am I supposed to do? Sit around and mourn a man who is very much alive? I don’t have that in my DNA, sweetie. As long as I’m alive, I’m gonna live.”

  “I don’t know, Ma. I guess I just can’t wrap my head around any of this.”

  “It’s not your job to. Your job is to live your life to the fullest.”

  “I am, Ma.”

  “By hiding away from the world and only coming out of your apartment to work a job I know you don’t like or want?”

  “I love working at the bookstore. It’s nice and quiet and—”

  “Boring?”

  “No, safe. Calm. Just what I need.”

  “Okay, safety and calmness are good, but what about love? Is your job providing that?”

  “Ma…”

  “Tell me you don’t still love Lakeland. Look me in the eye and tell me that.”

  All I could do was drop my eyes since I knew she could spot a lie from a mile away. “I do love him, Ma. That’s why I let him go…so he can be happy.”

  “How can he possibly be happy without the woman he loves?”

  “He’s better off without me.”

  “And you’re better off without him?”

  Before I could attempt to lie, Heidi’s voice pierced the relative peace of my mom’s bedroom. “Ma, your puppy’s whining. What should I do?”

  Shooting my gaze from Heidi to my mother, I said, “Puppy?”

  “Yes,” Ma replied with a grin. “Bring her here, Heidi, so I can introduce Navy to her.”

  A minute or so later, Heidi returned with the tiniest, fluffiest, most adorable little white and brown puppy, handing it to my mom.

  After making kissy sounds at the little ball of fur, Ma said, “Navy this is my new baby, Bitch. Bitch, this is your big sister, Navy Jane DuBois.”

  As she handed the puppy to me, I asked, “You named it Bitch? Really, Ma?”

  “She’s female, so to keep it simple, I call her Bitch. What’s wrong with that?”

  I shrugged. “Nothing, I guess.” Then I turned my attention to the puppy and cooed, “Heeeeey, Bitch!”

  Lakeland

  Navy was doing a really good job of avoiding me. I hadn’t laid eyes on her since she first walked in her mom’s front door. And when I finally caught a glimpse of her quickly cutting through the living room to get in the kitchen, Junior was in my face before I could move from my chair, recruiting me as his spades partner. I tried to tell him he didn’t want me for a partner, but he didn’t listen, and three lost games later, as he sat and glared at me, I said, “I told you. I was raised in the suburbs. I don’t know shit about spades or dominoes.”

  Junior shook his head as his cousin—Tut, I think—laughed and talked shit since it was him and his brother, Tomcat, who’d easily defeated us. These folks and their names…

  “Nigga over here talking ‘bout he from the suburbs. Shit, we in the suburbs right now!” Junior muttered.

  “Lake is being modest. His folks are rich. If he’s from the suburbs, then we’re from the slums.” Her voice made my dick twitch., something it had always done, to be honest. I had it bad for Navy DuBois, and I wasn’t ashamed to admit it.

  Hopping up from my seat, I turned to see her standing behind me and locked my eyes with hers. She’d dumped my ass, broken my entire damn heart, and despite all of that, all I wanted to do at that moment was kiss her full lips and pull her into my arms. I’d missed her, missed her soft body and the sounds she made when I pleased her. Shit, I missed her pleasing me. I’d been with a couple of other women since we split three years earlier, but not one of them was her. Maybe it was because she owned my heart.

  She opened her mouth, then let her eyes drop to the floor. “Lake…”

  I leaned in close to her ear. “Can you come with me? Just to talk?”

  Lifting her gaze to meet mine, she didn’t speak for a good minute, and in that short amount of time, I recognized that the living room had fallen quiet. No more sounds of a card battle although another of Navy’s cousins had claimed my seat. The Christmas music that had been flowing from the stereo had been muted, and a quick glance around the room told me that all eyes were on us. When I gave Navy my full attention again, she nodded, and I led her out the front door.

  3

  Lakeland

  We were in my Tahoe, and after I’d started the engine and turned on the heat, I shifted my body to face her. “I’ve missed you,” I confessed.

  With her eyes on the windshield, she shook her head. “You shouldn’t.”

  “But I do. A lot. I miss you so much that it physically hurts, Navy.”

  She sighed. “Then I’m sorry. Give it some more time and you’ll forget all about me.”

  “How? I’ve loved you since I was seventeen years old.”

  She bit her bottom lip and finally faced me. I could see tears in her eyes. “I thought I could do this. I thought I could talk to you, but I can’t.”

  “Because it hurts? Because you still love me?”

  She blew out a breath and reached for the car door handle.

  “Don’t leave. You owe me this, Navy. You dropped out of my life like I wasn’t shit to you. Dumped me and never looked back. You owe me this.” My fucking voice was loud and shaky, filling the inside of my truck with pain.

  She dropped her hand, and as she looked at me again, a tear rolled down her cheek.

  Navy

  “What do you want me to say?” I asked, as I wiped my face with my hand, my heart breaking more than it already had even though I was sure that was impossible. “I told you why we can’t be together.”

  “No, what you told me was some bullshit.”

  “Me having a mental illness is not bullshit, Lake! It’s devastating and life-changing! I will never be normal again! When I broke up with you, I was in a damn mental ward!”

  “So the-fuck what?! You think I’m that weak? Is that it? You think I don’t love you enough to handle whatever comes our way?”

  “I was trying to free you from-from a burden, from me becoming a burden to you, because you do realize that’s what the future holds, don’t you?”

  “It doesn’t have to, Navy!”

  I wasn’t trying to hear that unlikely, bright-side shit, so I kept talking. “You’re young and handsome and smart and successful. I’ll only drag you down. My life is meds and appointments. I’m always self-conscious, always afraid, always…careful not to appear crazy. Always scared I’ll have another damn episode. I was hearing fucking voices, Lake! And they were so real. And they were saying some crazy shit. You know how terrifying that is?”

  “It’s a disease, baby, just like any other disease.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Okay, Doc.”

  “Navy—”

  “You wanna marry me? Have kids by me and risk them being crazy like me and my father?”

  “You love your dad, Navy. I’ve never heard you say anything bad about him.”

  “That’s because my mom made sure he took his meds, and when he decided he didn’t want to take them anymore, he left her. After all the years she gave him, he left her. I…I don’t wanna be like that.”

  “Then don’t be, baby.”

  His eyes…there was so much pain and love in them that I was rendered speechless.

  “Navy, I want to be here for you. I’m not stupid. I know it won’t be easy, and I know you’re scared, but please, please let me help you carry this burden.”

  Shaking my head, I whimpered, “Lake…”

  “And yes, I want to marry you. As far as kids? We can figure that out later. We
can adopt if that’d make you more comfortable, or we don’t have to have kids at all. I just want you. I want the only woman I’ve ever loved back. Please.”

  In response, all I could do was cry, and when he wrapped his arms around me, I didn’t resist. “But I tried to kill you, Lake. I can’t forgive myself for that!”

  4

  Navy

  “That wasn’t you, baby. Don’t you know that? Don’t you know that I know that? You were sick,” Lakeland stated.

  “I was fucking psychotic! I thought you were poisoning me!”

  “But right now, you know I wasn’t. And no offense, but I wasn’t gonna let your short ass kill me, Navy. I might be weak for you, but I’m not weak weak.”

  I rolled my eyes and backed out of his arms. “I had a weapon.”

  “You pulled a fork on me, baby. A fork,” he said, with raised eyebrows.

  “A serving fork!”

  As we stared at each other, I could see the twinkle in his eyes. “Don’t make me laugh, Lake. This is not the time for laughing.”

  With a grin, he said, “Okay. Well, consider this: it’s insulting that after all these years we’ve been together, all the years we’ve loved each other, you would shut me out when you needed my support the most. I backed off, because I could see the truth of what you were feeling. You were ashamed. You still are, but you shouldn’t be. There’s no need for you to be. I’m a damn doctor, Navy. I understand more than anyone that it’s a disease, one you inherited. You didn’t do anything to make this happen.”

  “Lake—”

  “But yeah, I backed off. I gave you time to settle all of this in your mind, but I’m back. It’s Christmas, your favorite holiday, and…and I’m not leaving here today until you take me back, until you’re my girl again.”

  “Lakeland, I…”