Let Me Hold You Read online

  I sighed. “I don’t know why I told you in the first place.”

  “Because I’m your BFF, that’s why!”

  “I’m beginning to wonder why. Damn snitching ass…”

  “It’s Shelby! Hell, she’s known for lying. Ain’t nobody gonna believe her.”

  Well, that was true. Shelby was a huge liar, but that wasn’t the point. “It doesn’t matter. You weren’t supposed to tell anyone even if you were using the information to ratchetly defend me. Now Shelby’s ass is steady sending me links to stories about Leland even though I lied and told her he wasn’t my man. Half the stuff she sends is just plain crazy, and the half that ain’t crazy is out and out lies where he’s supposed to have been somewhere with some woman at a time when I know for a fact he had my legs in the air in his bed or mine!”

  “Daaaaamn, y’all getting it in like that?”

  “Girl…”

  “Shit!”

  “It’s so good, Z, that I almost wish you could experience it, too. Almost, but not really, because I don’t mind kicking ass over him.”

  “I know that’s right! He just look like he can give you some ass-kick-worthy sex!”

  “You have no idea—wait, where was I? Oh! Anyway, I told the fool to stop sending stuff, but you know she’s stupid. See what you started?”

  “I’m sorry, but at least you know she won’t tell Armand because of that time he cursed her out when he heard her talking shit about you, and even if she did tell him, I’m sure he wouldn’t believe it.”

  “I know, but you hurt my feelings. You’re my best friend and my cousin and I trusted you and you don’t see me telling your man about you damn near screwing Polo Logan on top of a plate of buffalo wings.”

  “Wasn’t nobody trying to screw him.”

  I gave her a smirk.

  Rolling her eyes, she said, “Whatever.”

  “I don’t want this to get out yet, Z. Is that so hard for you to understand?”

  “Actually, yeah…because if that was my man, I’d pay for one of those four-second commercials on YouTube announcing it.”

  “Well, you don’t have a crazy-ass son. And before you say it, I know this is not normal. I just need time.”

  “Time for what?”

  “Just time!” I shouted, more frustrated with the entire situation than her betrayal.

  “Shit, okay! Do you forgive me, though?”

  “You know I forgive you. I actually missed your crazy ass.”

  She hopped up and scurried around my desk, wrapping her arms around my neck, hugging me tightly while rocking us back and forth. “I missed your crazy ass, too.”

  *****

  My eyes searched the darkness in his bedroom as I lay on my back with his head on my stomach, his long arms encircling me. I lifted my hand and rubbed it across his hair which he’d had braided in cornrows.

  “Why you ain’t sleep?” His voice was husky and saturated with drowsiness.

  “Why aren’t you asleep?” I countered.

  “You thinking about the trip to Houston this weekend?”

  “No. You?”

  “I’m excited about it. What is it? You wanna back out?”

  “I just said I wasn’t even thinking about it, Leland. I’m not gonna back out. I’ll just deal with the consequences if Armand finds out about us.”

  He lifted his head. “What you mean consequences?”

  “Why do you think you love me?”

  “Why you curving my question?”

  “Why’re you curving mine?”

  I felt him sigh against my skin. “I don’t think shit, Kim. What? You think I’m too young to know I’m in love with you?”

  “I didn’t say that. I just wanna know what it is that you love about me.”

  “Hmm, your smile, your heart, your dedication to your son, even though it’s making things hard for me. Your beauty…your booty.”

  “Leland! Be serious!”

  “I am! I just love everything about you. Most of all, I love you for the job you have.”

  “My job?”

  “Yeah…you’re in a position where you don’t have to work at all, but you choose to work that job, in that neighborhood. You have a heart for service just like I do. We got more in common than you think, baby.”

  “I guess we do.”

  “And it don’t hurt that you got some good pussy and you’re sexy as hell.”

  “Wow.”

  “Just telling the truth.”

  “Mm-hmm…well, thank you for loving me, Leland.”

  “Don’t have a choice. Now, what did you mean by consequences?”

  I hesitated, let my eyes search the darkness again, and said, “Nothing. I was just saying something.”

  “You scared of him? Of what he can take from you? I told you, I got you, baby.”

  “It’s not that. It’s—like I said before, I put him through a lot with past relationships and he worries about me. I don’t like upsetting him. That’s all.”

  “I wouldn’t put my hands on you, Kim.”

  “I know that, but he doesn’t. He just doesn’t trust my judgement and I can’t blame him. I don’t trust it, either.”

  “But it’s not really his business. You know that, right?”

  “Yeah, I know that. I just…”

  “It’s all right. You need time and I’ma give it to you, but you need to know I ain’t going nowhere and that this ain’t temporary.”

  “This coming from a man who told me he didn’t want a relationship…”

  “I also told you I changed my mind. You got a problem with that?”

  “No, I don’t. Can’t think of anyone else I’d ever want to be with.”

  “Me either, baby. Me either.”

  18

  I watched as her eyes surveyed the interior of the jet. She looked nervous, almost scared, as she sat across from me. I actually couldn’t believe she didn’t back out of going to Houston with me, was expecting her to change her mind up to the moment we boarded, but I was glad she didn’t. I was also glad we were traveling in a private jet. I could only imagine how much more nervous she would’ve been had we taken a commercial flight together.

  “Hey, did you know today was Make a Hat Day?” I asked, trying to pull her out of whatever thoughts had her eyebrows all tangled up.

  Her eyes met mine as she shook her head. “Uh, no…I didn’t.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “What? You ain’t keeping up with your holidays no more?”

  She shrugged and folded her hands in her lap. “I haven’t thought about holidays much since you and me became a thing.”

  “For real? Why?”

  “I used to have to find a way to appreciate every day. You give me that now.”

  Shit, I couldn’t do nothing but stare at her, and I guess I freaked her out, because she asked, “Uh, did I say something wrong?”

  I blinked a few times, placed my hand on my chest, and said, “Naw, baby. I just...I never had anyone to say nothing like that to me before.”

  “Well, I mean it. You do. I’m…I’m glad you’re in my life even if you do like listening to fake jazz.”

  “Smooth jazz ain’t fake jazz, you damn hater.”

  “If you listened to regular smooth jazz, but all you wanna listen to are jazz versions of R&B songs.”

  “Whatever. Your ass be humming when I play it, though, and Little Kim told me I have good taste in music.”

  “The way you and Harvey keep her satisfied, she’ll probably say anything she thinks you wanna hear.”

  “Who the hell is Harvey?”

  Her eyes scanned the small cabin, probably looking for the flight attendant. “Your penis.”

  “Why in the hell you give my penis that nerdy-ass name?”

  “That’s an insult to every man named Harvey! I think it’s a nice name.”

  “Naw, that name is an insult to my dick.”

  “Then what would you name it?”

  “I don’t know, something that say
s big and black like Hakeem or Rashad or Malik. Not no damn Harvey. Harvey sounds like he’s only an inch long and can’t get hard. Shit, that name makes my dick sound like it has asthma or something.”

  “Leland!”

  “What? It’s the truth!”

  “Okay, okay…I got a better one.”

  “It better say long and strong or I’m rejecting that motherfucker, too.”

  She smiled. “Tyrone Jones.”

  “Hell, yeah! That name says, ‘Mandingo dick.’”

  “Mr. McClain, we’ll be landing soon,” Marnie, the flight attendant, said.

  I nodded. “Thanks.”

  As Marnie left, I looked over at Kim whose eyes were wide as she covered her mouth with her hand. Her “You are so stupid,” was muffled.

  “You like it.”

  “Yeah, I really do,” she admitted.

  Leaving my seat, I took the one next to her, and as she fastened her seatbelt, I leaned in and kissed her cheek. “You still okay with this trip?”

  She nodded and gave me a smile. “As long as I’m with you, I’m more than okay, Mr. McClain.”

  I was so nervous before I even got on the plane that I was nauseous, and that ramped up exponentially once we landed at a private airstrip and climbed into a limousine that took us to a small town on the outskirts of Houston—Leland’s hometown. So much could go wrong on this trip. What if his family didn’t like me? What if I didn’t like them? What if…what if I went through all the trouble of meeting his family, maybe even getting to know them, and we didn’t work out? It’d happened before. I put in a lot of time and energy with my last boyfriend and his kids only for him to end up beating my ass and choking me out. Or what if I went through all this and Armand found out and ran Leland away? Yeah, he said he could deal with Armand, but he didn’t know him like I did. My only child was full of rage, prone to being violent, and could be very persuasive when he wanted to. I didn’t want him to hurt Leland but knew he would in the name of protecting me and my honor. Leland didn’t deserve that. Not at all.

  “You don’t like it?” he asked, pulling me back into the room with him. We were at his brother, Big South’s, house, had just arrived two hours ahead of his aunt’s noonday party. Evidently, my introspection had drowned out his voice.

  “What?”

  “I was asking if you’re still okay with staying here? I mean, I could get us a room if you’d prefer that.” His thick eyebrows were knitted together as he spoke.

  “No, this is fine. It’s a beautiful house.”

  He moved closer to me, sliding his hands up and down my bare arms. “Then what is it?”

  “I’m just…I’m nervous, Leland.”

  He reclined his neck and smiled down at me. “About meeting my family? Don’t be. They all crazy as hell, so you’ll fit right in.”

  “I hope so—wait, are you calling me crazy?”

  He nodded, and with raised brows, said, “Yeah.”

  “I’m not half as crazy as you, ‘round here talking to vaginas and stuff.”

  “Vagina, singular. Yours is the only one that speaks to me, and anyway, stop worrying. Everything will be cool.” Checking his phone, he added, “You hungry? Tired? Wanna take a nap?”

  “No. I think I’m good.”

  “Okay, you want a tour of the house? A walk around the property? Some sex?”

  “Wow, really? Are you serious?”

  “When am I ever not serious about that?”

  I faked a yawn. “You know what? I am sleepy after all.”

  Grinning down at me, he snaked his long arm around my waist and pulled me close to him. “Fake ass.” He kissed my neck, sliding his mouth up to mine. “Come on, baby. Let’s do it before there’s a house full of people here.”

  Then he kissed me, letting his tongue caress mine. So when his mouth left mine, I said, “Mmmm, okay.”

  *****

  “Leland, stop! You know I’m too old and stuff to dance now!”

  I couldn’t wipe the grin off my face as Leland grabbed his Aunt Ever’s hand and pulled her to her feet. The party was in full swing with Aunt Ever’s front yard crowded with long tables and chairs and teeming with family members, the scent of barbecue permeating the air. I was sitting at a table with Big South—Big-motherfucking-South—and his wife and both their daughters, trying not to stare at them. I was crazy about Leland, no sense in denying that, but his brother? Damn, was he fine and just…magnetic. Geez, it was hard to take my eyes off him, and his wife? She was so beautiful in an odd way, and he was obviously crazy about her as had been reported on all the blogs. I knew they’d been through some scandals since they’d been together, but none of that seemed to have put a damper on the heat that obviously flowed between them.

  “Hey, Tick! You see them pineapples I grilled for you? I know you was looking for them earlier,” Uncle Lee Chester yelled from across the yard. I couldn’t get over Big South’s family nickname but managed not to laugh.

  “Naw, where they at?” Big South asked, with a serious look on his face.

  “Over here by the grill!” Uncle Lee shouted, as he took a swig from a can of beer and rubbed his round stomach.

  “A’ight, I’ma come get Jo some.”

  “Aye!” Leland shouted from where he was dancing with his aunt to some old blues song. “Get Kim some, too!”

  What was with this family and pineapples?

  Seeing the confused look on my face, Jo said, “Girl, just eat them. I’ll explain later.”

  Twenty minutes later, Leland was sitting at the table beside me, his arm draped across my shoulders as I inhaled another plate of ribs, because damn! Uncle Lee was a true grill master! I hadn’t tasted anything that good in a long time, probably because I’d been on a diet of chicken and vegetables forever, trying to get back to a size ten when a size sixteen wouldn’t let my wide ass go. One thing about Leland, though, if I didn’t think I looked good before him, I thought I was super-fine with him from the way he attacked me every chance he got. He made sure I knew I was desirable to him, and I couldn’t lie and say that didn’t make me feel good.

  “Have you met the twins, Kim?” Jo asked me. “Wait, we brought Neil with us, so you met him when we first got here, right?”

  I looked up from my plate and nodded. “Yeah, but I haven’t seen him since then.”

  “He’s probably somewhere pouting,” Big South said, and I had no idea what that meant.

  Jo elbowed him, and he shrugged. “Have you met Nolan? I haven’t seen him yet,” she said.

  I wiped my hands and mouth with a napkin and gave her a smile I hoped wasn’t riddled with food. “Yes, Leland introduced me to him and Svetlana.”

  Jo’s mouth dropped open. “His new girlfriend’s name is actually Svetlana?” she asked, her eyes shifting from me to Leland.

  He shrugged. “Hell if I know.”

  I frowned as I turned my attention to him. “Why’d you tell me that was her name, then?”

  “Because he’s a fool,” Big South interjected.

  “Whatever, nigga. Don’t be bad-talking me to my woman,” Leland countered.

  “Ain’t nobody bad-talking your ass.”

  “It’s an inside joke, Kim. Neil has a problem with Nolan’s dating practices and likes messing with him by calling all of his girlfriends the same name—Svetlana,” Leland explained.

  “Shit, it fits all of ‘em,” Big South muttered.

  “Y’all need to leave Nolan alone,” Jo said.

  “Naw, Nole need to leave them Nordic chicks alone,” Leland said. “Don’t make no sense.”

  I lifted a brow and nudged him. “Maybe that’s his preference. Like you told me, everyone has preferences.”

  Leland looked from me to Big South and they both shook their heads, saying, “Naw, that ain’t it,” in unison. “Speak of the devil,” Big South added under his breath.

  Nolan was approaching the table. I knew it was him and not Neil because of what he was wearing—khakis and a white Oxfo
rd shirt, the same thing he was wearing when I met him earlier. His twin, by contrast, wasn’t nearly as neat in baggy black jeans and a retro Higher Learning t-shirt. Neil and Nolan were identical, but easily distinguishable by their styles and demeanors. Just that quickly, I could tell Nolan was the more confident of the two.

  “Hey, everybody,” Nolan greeted, as he grabbed a chair from a neighboring table and placed it next to Leland, plopping down in it.

  After we all greeted him, Big South asked, “Where’s Svetlana?”

  “Damn, really? You too, Ev?” Nolan replied.

  “My bad, man. What’s her name?”

  “Danya.”

  “Danya? That’s the same chick from the benefit last year? She don’t look the same,” Leland said.

  “No, it’s a different woman with the same name,” Nolan clarified.

  “You found two Yugoslavian motherfuckers named Danya?” Big South asked, confusion in his voice and on his face. His wife just shook her head while she bounced her little girl in her lap.

  “She’s not Yugo—you know what? Never mind. Hey, Jo…did Bridgette come with you guys?” Nolan asked.

  Jo looked at him with wide eyes, then looked at Big South and back at Nolan again. “Bridgette? No, she’s working on a film right now and couldn’t make it.”

  “Oh, right. She’s an actress, isn’t she?” Nolan asked, seeming genuinely interested in this Bridgette person’s career. “I’ve got to remember that. Well, I guess I better go check on Danya. She’s taking a nap.” He hopped up from the chair and left.

  At that moment, as Leland and Big South exchanged a look, Uncle Lee Chester appeared at the table. “What-up-there-now, young folks?!” he shouted, and I almost choked on the coleslaw I’d just stuffed into my mouth. The man was hilarious, and I really don’t think he was trying to be funny, but with him standing there in a straw hat, a faded Amerson Family Reunion t-shirt, denim shorts that were so tight they damn near gave him a testicular camel toe, white tube socks and black Florsheims combined with that signature greeting of his, it was hard to keep a straight face in his presence.

  “It’s all you, Unc. You clowned on that grill today!” Leland said.