Let Me Hold You Read online

  “I love you so much, baby,” I groaned, as she threw her head back and dug her nails into the flesh of my back. Her walls contracting around me told me that another orgasm had hit her.

  Still, she managed to scream, “Ohhhhh, shit! I love you, toooooooooo!”

  It wasn’t long after that, that I got mine, shouting her name as I emptied inside her. Once I caught my breath, I fell on my back and pulled her on top of me. Sometimes we slept like that.

  “I don’t know why you like me laying on you like this. My big ass gotta be heavy.”

  “You ain’t big; you’re perfect.”

  “I’m knocking on a size eighteen’s door, Leland. If I didn’t work out and try to eat halfway right, I’d be big as a house!”

  “I don’t care. I love all of you. I love these thick thighs and this ass?” I grabbed a handful and squeezed. “You know I love this ass.”

  She laughed. “Yeah, you definitely love my ass.”

  I had to laugh at that, too. “And do I even need to mention my obsessive devotion to Little Kim?”

  “Please don’t.”

  “You’re a hater.”

  “I sure am. I’m sick of you and Little Kim.”

  I chuckled as I rubbed my hand down her soft back. “Hey, I wanna ask you something.”

  “If it’s about what I promised to do at the club, I’ma still do it. Just let me catch my breath. You wore me out, baby.”

  “Naw, you good, baby. That’s not what I was gonna ask.”

  “Okay…”

  “Uh, I need to tell you something first.”

  “You sound serious.”

  “This is serious.”

  “I’m kinda scared to hear what you’ve got to say now,” she said, as she lifted her head and looked me in the eye.

  “Don’t be. Just some stuff I want you to know.”

  She kissed my chest and then laid her head on it again. “All right, tell me.”

  I lifted my eyes from her face to the ceiling. “I been in the NBA since I was nineteen, was a second-round pick, so I ain’t never made Kobe money, but my brother, Everett, taught me how to manage it, set me up with some good accountants and lawyers, told me about investing it, mentored me about starting businesses and stuff, so now, I’m worth around sixty million, not counting my current contract with the Cyclones. They’re paying me ninety million over the next five years, with bonuses if we win the championship. I own a house in LA, the condo in St. Louis, the nightclub in LA, got an endorsement deal with Frost Menswear and another one with Spartan Vitamin Water. I finally signed the deal with Derek Hill, so I am an official co-owner of HMH Films.”

  “HMH?” she asked.

  “Hill, McClain, Higgs.”

  “Wow, baby! I’m so proud of you! That’s wonderful!”

  I smiled at her, then returned my attention to the ceiling. “Thank you. Um, where was I? Oh, I own like five cars, the SUV I drive in St. Louis, and four more parked at my house in LA. I—”

  “Why does it feel like you’re trying to convince me that you’re a good catch when I already caught you?” Kim asked, interrupting me.

  “Because I want you to know everything about me before you marry me. I want you to know I can take care of you, that it would be my pleasure to take care of you for the rest of our lives.”

  She slid off of me and sat up in the bed. “Are you proposing, Leland? You-you wanna get married?”

  “Yeah, baby. I mean, I don’t have a ring to put on your finger tonight, but I can fix that in the morning. Will you marry me?”

  “I’m wondering if you’re just doing this because you’re drunk or if I’m hallucinating and none of this is really happening because I’m drunk.”

  “Neither one of us is drunk. We ain’t drank shit, Kim.”

  “I meant, drunk off of sex.”

  “Kim, stop playing. I know what I’m saying, and you heard me correctly, baby.”

  “But we haven’t even been together that long. It’s only been like what? Six months? Not quite six months?”

  “That’s long enough for me to know I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

  “You’re being impulsive. First, you want a baby, and now you wanna marry me?”

  “I thought we settled the baby thing.”

  “We did, but marriage? You haven’t thought this through.”

  “Yes, I have. I’ve thought about this a lot.”

  “But…what if it doesn’t last? What if it all falls apart?”

  “It will last and it won’t fall apart. And you know what? What difference does it make anyway? We’ve got right now. We have today, so let’s live for that.”

  She fell silent and I can’t lie, her reaction was fucking with my heart. Nothing was ever easy with Kim. She couldn’t make decisions without torturing herself. And even when she did make a decision, it was usually in favor of what she thought other people—specifically, her son—would approve of, not what she really wanted. I knew it was best that I steered us in a different direction before she kicked my heart all the way into my ass by totally rejecting me, or at the very least, pissed me off by bringing our ages up again, so I said, “Just think about it. You ain’t gotta answer tonight, okay? I just wanted you to know I want you to be my wife.”

  She looked over at me and nodded. “All right.”

  26

  “What the fuck is going on?!”

  I pulled the phone from my ear and closed my eyes. I knew my son cursed, had heard him do it several times before, but never, ever directed at me. He was pissed, had probably seen the same pictures I’d seen floating all over Instagram of me with my body wrapped around Leland in that club in Mexico. It hadn’t taken long for the images to go viral. We were still in Mexico when they first started popping up on Twitter, and now, just under a week later, the gossip blogs were all over them and the story of Leland McClain and Armand Daniels’ mom being an item—that’s actually how they referred to me, like I had no other identity.

  My first thought when I saw them was, finally. Finally, someone, probably someone from Leland’s team or one of their dates, had exposed us. It was about time. Or at least I thought it was. I thought I was ready for Armand to know, but hearing the anger in his voice and knowing it was directed at me, I wasn’t so sure. I knew I probably should’ve just been up front with him from the beginning, but I also knew the outcome would’ve been the same. Either way, he would be upset, but with it being revealed to the world at the same time he found out, there was a layer of embarrassment added to his rage.

  Placing the phone back to my ear, I asked, “What?” as I rested an elbow on my desk and peered down at the papers littering it.

  “You know what! You all over social media with Leland McClain in damn Mexico! At first, I thought maybe folks had it wrong. Some of the pictures were so grainy, I really couldn’t tell if it was you for real. Then I saw that video of you grinding on him, and I knew it was you! What the fuck was that?!”

  “First of all, you need to calm down and stop all this screaming, Armand.”

  “No, first of all, are you and him…are you and him together?”

  “Yes.” I said it. I couldn’t believe I really said it.

  Silence from my son.

  “Hello?” I said.

  “End it. End it today or I’ma kill him. I’m not playing, Mama.”

  “I can’t.”

  “What you mean, you can’t? I bet you can!”

  “I can’t because I love him and I want to be with him.”

  That’s when the call ended, when he hung up on me, and I quickly dialed Leland’s number. When he didn’t answer, I started to panic, thinking that Armand was in town without me knowing and was making good on a threat I knew he was more than capable of carrying out. I had gathered my things and was headed…somewhere when Leland finally called me back.

  I answered the phone with, “Hey, I just talked to Armand and he knows about us and—”

  “He said he’s gonna kill m
e. I know. Just got a call from him.”

  “He called you?! Is he here? Did he say he’s here?”

  I knew he had a game in New York that night, because although I didn’t attend his games, I kept up with his schedule and watched him play on TV as often as I could. So he should’ve already traveled there in preparation for the game, but I wouldn’t have put it past him to miss the game just to come here and wreak havoc.

  “Naw, he’s in New York. I saw something he posted on IG from there. He’s pissed, though, was talking all kinds of shit to me. You gave him my number?”

  “No! Of course not! Why would I do that?!”

  “I wouldn’t care if you did.”

  “But I didn’t! I wouldn’t!”

  “Okay, okay. Baby, you need to calm the hell down. Where are you?”

  “At work. Where else, Leland?” I was so on edge and I wanted to cry, but at the same time, felt an overwhelming sense of relief that the cat was finally out of the bag.

  “I’ll be there in a minute.”

  “Don’t you have practice or a work-out or something? I don’t want to interrupt your day. I just…” The tears came and I couldn’t stop them. Hell, I didn’t really want to stop them. I needed to let them fall.

  Leland said something I couldn’t make out over my own sobbing, and about ten minutes later, after I managed to halt the waterworks, there was a knock at my door. Since Peaches was off for some reason I couldn’t even remember, I yelled, “Come in,” without bothering to check myself in a mirror. I knew my eyes were swollen, but the only somebody I was expecting was Leland and he didn’t care how I looked. Over the past months, he’d seen me at my best and my worst, and he still loved me.

  But it wasn’t Leland. It was Elrich. So I sighed and dropped my chin into my chest. “Um, Elrich? Can we discuss whatever it is you need to discuss later? I’m feeling a bit under the weather.”

  “I bet you are. Probably got the chicken pox from that child you’ve been screwing.”

  I closed my eyes and shook my head. “That’s none of your business.”

  “It’s everybody’s business when you do it in this building. What the hell is wrong with you?!”

  My head snapped up. “What are you talking about?”

  “This!” he said, flinging something onto my desk. It was a still from a surveillance video, a still of me and Leland kissing in the front lobby of King’s Dream the evening all that mess went down with Shemar and his mother—our first time together.

  My eyes rose to meet his angry ones. “Where’d you get this?”

  “I’ve been checking the surveillance footage from the lobby, trying to see if I can see the person who broke in, and I ran across this footage.”

  “Why would you be looking at footage this old, Elrich?”

  “That’s not the point. The point is, I saw it all, even when he picked you up and carried you in here, I guess. So he’s why you wouldn’t get back with me? Is he the one who said that shit to me on the phone?”

  “Elrich, there wasn’t any getting back with you when I was never with you in the first place, and you are acting real crazy stalkerish right now for us to have had a purely sexual relationship.”

  “I’m in love with you!”

  I think he startled himself as much as he startled me, because after he shouted the words, he just stood there with his eyes on me, then his face became flushed and his gray eyes shifted to the floor.

  “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t know. Um…Elrich, I don’t know what to say.”

  “Obviously, you’re not going to say what I want you to say, that you love me, too,” he nearly whispered, his eyes still on the floor.

  “If I said that, it wouldn’t be the truth.”

  “You love him?”

  I closed my eyes and sighed. “Elrich—”

  “God, I messed this up trying to reconcile with Adana. I had you and just gave you away.”

  “I take it you’re that Eldridge dude, huh?”

  When did Leland get here and how did I not hear him come in?

  Opening my eyes, I saw a bewildered-looking Elrich standing beside a gigantic Leland who looked like he was three seconds from tearing the older and smaller man’s head off, probably fueled by his earlier conversation with my son.

  Elrich didn’t respond, or maybe he was afraid to.

  “Look, man…she ain’t a damn puppy. You ain’t never have her in the first place. If you did, she wouldn’t be mine now, and since she’s mine, you need to keep your damn distance before I make you keep your distance.”

  A second after Leland’s threat filled the room, Elrich slipped out my office door in silence. Then my eyes met Leland’s as I blinked back a new supply of tears.

  “Get your shit and let’s go before I have to kick some ass around here.”

  “But—”

  “But nothing. This place won’t fall apart without you, and if it does? Fuck it. Let’s go, Kim.”

  So I grabbed my stuff and left.

  She was quiet, her eyes glued to the TV screen as the Heat battled the Knicks. Did I want to watch her son play after he called and threatened my life? Hell, no. But…he was her son, and she loved him, and I loved her for that. So I sat my ass on my sofa with her snuggled close to me and watched the game, just happy to have a free night with her. Happy to be with her, period, because even with all her crazy ways, the back and forth we went through in the beginning, and the existence of her crazy-ass son, I truly loved this woman.

  Commentator One: Armand Daniels is really struggling tonight.

  Commentator Two: Well, Bill…I’m sure that has to do with the rumors that are spreading about his mother and his former teammate, Leland McClain. I’m sure that’s affecting his concentration.

  Commentator One: Dave, that might be it, but if he doesn’t pull himself together, the Heat will be adding yet another loss to their already disappointing record.

  Commentator Two: As the one player who usually puts up the most points, let’s hope he’s in better form during the second half of the game.

  I glanced at Kim to see her staring down at her phone. Then she looked at me and quickly turned her attention back to the TV.

  “You got a call? Zabrina?” I asked.

  “No, my mother. I talked to Zabrina earlier, when you left to pick up dinner.”

  “You gonna answer it?”

  Shaking her head, she leaned forward and placed her phone on my new coffee table. “No. She won’t have anything good to say to me.”

  “About us?”

  “About anything. But yeah, I’m sure she’s calling to convince me I’m ruining my life by being with you, not to mention she’s close to Armand, so I’m sure she’ll want to add something about how I’m hurting him, too.”

  “Do you think us being together is hurting him?”

  She hesitated for a good minute, then looked over at me. “No. Armand doesn’t get hurt. He just gets angry. It’s all he knows—anger. And the only way he knows how to deal with it is through violence.”

  “Yeah, well, I ain’t worried about him being violent towards me. I just wanna make sure you’re good. I know this is hard for you, dealing with the fallout, and I’m sorry.”

  “You don’t have any reason to apologize, Leland. I made this mess a long time ago. This is all on me.”

  “Don’t do that, baby. Don’t talk like that.”

  “But it’s true. And I’m so sorry you have to be a part of this. I don’t regret being with you or falling in love with you, but I do regret that you have to deal with this mess. I regret that my son is probably going to catch the first flight here as soon as the game is over and try to hurt you.”

  I turned and looked her in the eye. “I’m not some kid, Kim. As a matter of fact, I’m bigger than your son. I don’t wanna kick his ass, but if he comes at me wrong, I definitely ain’t gonna fold. But hopefully, he’ll come, and me and him will just talk. Maybe he’ll be done calmed down by the time he gets here and we can handle th
ings like adults. Whatever goes down, we’re gonna handle it together. Okay?”

  She reached for me, wrapping her arms around me. “I love you so much.”

  As I held her in my arms and closed my eyes, I said, “I love you, too, baby.”

  27

  The day after the shit hit the fan progressed like any other day. Contrary to what I expected, Armand did not pop up in St. Louis the night before or early the next morning, so as per usual, I went to work, was thankful that Elrich kept his distance, talked to Leland on the phone, and went to the Cyclones home game later that evening. We would’ve ridden home together had we not arrived in separate vehicles. I wanted to be up under him so bad, I almost suggested leaving my car on the lot but decided against it. We made it to our building at virtually the same time and quickly decided to spend the night at his place. We usually stayed at my place because Leland said it felt homier than his, but with Armand sure to pop up at any moment, I wasn’t comfortable staying there. No, he didn’t have a key, but I didn’t put it past him to kick my door in. I was sure he had no idea where Leland lived, or at least I hoped he didn’t.

  Leland wrapped his arm around me as we walked into the building. “I’m tired as shit, but I can’t wait to get this victory pussy.”

  “Victory what?” I asked, trying not to laugh. Leland was a straight-up nut, but I loved that about him.

  Leland nodded a greeting to the night security guard stationed in the lobby of the building then leaned in close to my ear, and said, “You heard me, and don’t even try to pretend you don’t wanna do it. Your ass stay ready, and here lately, you been on fire for real.”

  After we’d stepped into the elevator, I kissed him, then wiped my lipstick from his mouth with my thumb. “How can I help myself when I got a man with a big dick and a long tongue?”

  “Shiiiid, that’s what I’m saying.”