Let Me Hold You Read online

  My mother.

  I had hoped her miserable ass wouldn’t show up, but there she was.

  I broke away from Leland and sighed, looked around the table to see that Garner was gone—probably to the bar since I swear he was a borderline alcoholic, but he was good to Z, so whatever—and that Zabrina was gathering her purse. She didn’t like my mother any more than I did.

  “I got pregnant because I was trying to get pregnant,” I said, my eyes narrowed at her.

  “Um…hey, Aunt Diana!” Zabrina cut in. “Well, let me head on back to my dressing room to get ready. See y’all later.”

  I glared at her retreating back before returning my attention to my mother. Zabrina’s mom, Lima, was a free spirit who couldn’t sit still long enough to raise Zabrina, let alone terrorize her like her sister, my mom, did me. That’s why Zabrina spent so much time at my grandmother’s house back in the day. As a kid, I used to wish we could trade mothers. Hell, sometimes I wished I was a damn orphan.

  As my chubby mother fell into Zabrina’s abandoned seat with a grunt, she fixed her judgmental-ass eyes on me. “Kimberly, you gonna introduce me to this man you snuck off and married or what?”

  I really despised her. Like, really.

  “Leland, this is my mother, Diana. Mom, this is Leland,” I mumbled, my eyes on the empty stage just a few feet in front of us.

  I felt Leland lean forward. “Where?” he asked.

  I turned to face him. “Huh?”

  “Where’s your mom, because I know this ain’t her,” he declared, his eyes wide as he stared at my mother.

  She giggled, covering her mouth with her hand.

  My. Mother. Giggled.

  The hell?

  “I am her mother!” she said, in this light voice I’d never heard her use before. What in the entire world was happening?

  “No, ma’am. I don’t believe that! I was just about to ask Kim why she didn’t tell me she had a sister!”

  This woman giggled again and batted her eyelashes coyly. “I really am her mother! She has a brother. No sisters.”

  “For real?!” He snaked his right arm around my shoulder and extended his left hand in front of me to my mom. When she took his hand, he leaned forward and kissed hers. “So glad I had this night off so I could meet you. Things with me and your daughter moved so fast, we haven’t gotten around to meeting everyone in our families.” That was a lie because I’d met his whole family in Texas, but I knew he was just trying to help me and I loved him for that.

  “Oh, that’s okay!”

  Really? After all the voicemails she’d left cursing me out, telling me how I was further fucking my life up by marrying Leland and that he was going to first kick my ass all over the United States and then dump me and my baby, it was okay? After all the texts she’d sent asking me how I could betray Armand like this, it was okay? It was okay even after she told me I should call and apologize to my son who gave me an accidental concussion, fired me, locked me out of my home, and took my car?

  Wow.

  “I’m glad you came out tonight, Miss—hey, would you mind if I called you mom? I lost my mom when I was young and it’d be nice to be able to use that word again,” Leland said.

  With a big-ass grin on her face, my mother replied, “Noooo, I don’t mind!”

  Leland was laying it on thick as hell, and she was eating it all the way up.

  Some song I barely paid attention to came on, and Leland asked, “Mom, would you like to dance?”

  Her eyes were big as hell when she said, “Oh, I haven’t danced in years. I just work and sleep.”

  Leland stood his big sexy ass up—for the first time ever, I was getting to see him in a whole suit—and walked around to my mother. “Well, I’m about to change that.” He offered her a gigantic hand which she quickly took, and then she followed him the few inches to the dance floor that was partially covered with tables for Zabrina’s impending show. I watched as my mom, in what looked like a funeral-ready black skirt suit, stepped with my towering husband in time to what I now recognized as Johnny Gill’s This One’s for Me and You. I loved how Plush kept the music grown and sexy.

  “Gone, Di!” my feisty grandmother shouted, egging my mother on. The next thing I knew, she was out of her seat, following Zavier, Zabrina’s brother, to the dance floor, and soon, the tiny space was full of my family members including my cousin Shelby, who’d been giving me the stink eye all evening because I actually was with Leland after I’d spent months lying to her about it. I smiled, thinking about how I missed being around them—Shelby, included—especially my granny with whom I’d shared a special bond as a child, but I wasted so many years occupied with bad relationships that I’d distanced myself from everyone but Zabrina. Then I dove head first into raising Armand. I didn’t regret that although I did a horrible job that landed us in a place where I hadn’t spoken to him since the day he fired me. But I could see where putting all my energy into only one part of my life and neglecting the rest wasn’t the right thing to do. I needed to fix that, starting by spending more time with my granny. I was blessed to still have her.

  As I looked around, I realized my brother, Kent, wasn’t there. He was guilty of the same thing I was. He’d blocked everyone out but our mother. But I could understand why. Growing up watching her live a life I would emulate wasn’t easy for either of us. I made a mental note to reach out to him, too, even if he was a stuck-up asshole.

  I was so deep in thought, I didn’t notice Leland and my mother returning to the table and jumped a little when he tapped my shoulder. “Come on, baby. Dance with me,” he said, with a beautiful smile on his face.

  Once out on the floor, he pulled me into his arms and we swayed to Daniel Caesar’s and H.E.R.’s Best Part. I closed my eyes and relaxed against him. He felt so good, as good as he always felt.

  “I see you been replenishing your ho’ gear. You look good, baby,” he whispered in my ear, as he rubbed his hands over the purple waist beads hidden beneath my clothes.

  I can’t lie; I turned my own self on in the yellow baby doll romper I wore with brown Giuseppe Zanotti sandal heels, an outfit inspired by Mrs. Greer Hill and purchased thanks to the generosity of my husband who’d bought me a new wardrobe and an SUV in the weeks since my son cut me off. I had money saved up, but Leland damn near cursed me out when I tried to buy my own stuff.

  “Well, you told me to take your card and get what I needed, so I figured that included ho’ clothes,” I said.

  “You know it did. I’ma kind of tear your ass up when we get home.”

  “Kind of?”

  “Yeah, I’ma fuck you, but I ain’t gonna fuck you fuck you. Gotta take care of the baby.”

  “Leland, I told you, you’re not gonna hurt little Harvey.”

  “Keep playing about my baby’s name. Keep playing.”

  I rose up on my toes and kissed his juicy lips. “You have any idea how much I adore your crazy ass?”

  He shrugged. “How can you not adore me when I got a big—”

  “Dick and a long tongue. Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

  “Your ass ain’t gon’ be saying yeah, yeah, yeah later tonight.”

  “No, I’ma be saying Leland…Leeeelaaaand…oh, Lelandddd…”

  “Keep on and we gonna get arrested for lewd conduct on this dancefloor,” he murmured.

  “Is that a promise?”

  With narrowed eyes, he kissed me like there was no one in that club but the two of us.

  A few minutes later, we were back at our table with my giddy mother and a proud Garner as Zabrina took the stage and ripped that motherfucker up!

  31

  “You think there’s a hot pot place in Sacramento?” Kim asked.

  “Look at you. You acted a fool the first time I took you to get hot pot, and now that’s all you want!”

  “That’s all your baby wants.”

  “That’s because my baby has good taste like me.”

  As she rolled her eyes, my phone buzzed in m
y pocket. “Hello?” I answered.

  “What-up-there-now, Nephew?’

  “‘Bout to head out. Got a flight to catch. ‘Sup, Unc?”

  “Put it on speaker,” Kim whispered.

  I covered the phone with my hand. “Hell, no! You ain’t gonna be laughing at my uncle.”

  “Killjoy,” she said, with a pout that I kissed. Then she zipped up her suitcase and sat on the side of the bed. Yeah, her ass was hitting the road with me. I didn’t have time for her stupid-ass son to pop up starting shit, because if he ever laid another finger on her, I was going to body his ass. No questions asked.

  “I was calling about Ever. She having some kind of surgery soon. She didn’t want nobody to tell you, but I know you need to know. If something went wrong and you didn’t know, your ass would have a damn fit.”

  “Sure would. Thanks for letting me know. I’ma call her now. I won’t tell her where I got the information.”

  “Hell, you can tell her. I ain’t her man; I ain’t scared of Ever’s big ass—what?! I’m on the phone with Leland! Damn, Lou! Don’t start that shit with me right now!”

  “Hey, Unc—”

  “Gone and call her. Tell that pretty Kimmy I said hey.”

  I swear I was gonna have to put my foot up Uncle Lee’s ass sooner or later.

  “Your man said hey,” I said to Kim as I grabbed our bags. “Come on. Let’s go.”

  “Now you see how I feel about you and Little Kim.”

  Kim drove us to the airport so that I could call Aunt Ever and wouldn’t kill us after hearing what was going on with her. I replied to her hello with, “So you keeping secrets from me now, huh?”

  “That damn Lee Chester can’t keep nothing! It’s just a test, a dye test for my heart.”

  “And you thought I didn’t need to know that?”

  “I thought you had enough going on. New wife, baby on the way, basketball. You don’t need to worry about me, Leland.”

  “You let me worry about what I need to worry about, woman. When is this test? I need to come down there for it?”

  “In a few weeks, and no! Barbie’s taking me, and Wyvetta’s gonna be there.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yes, baby.”

  “Well, you have Barbie text me the details so I can know everything.”

  “All right. Tell your wife I said hi.”

  “Hey, Aunt Ever. He’s got you on speakerphone,” Kim said.

  “Hey, sweetie! Don’t let that boy worry too much. I’ma be fine.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  After we hung up, I stared out the windshield and prayed my aunt was right. I didn’t know what I’d do if something happened to her.

  “I know you’re tired of me talking about it, but I just can’t believe it!” Z gushed, as she took a bite of her hot dog. “Me? Singing in LA?”

  “Believe it. Leland loved your show. I’m so happy for you, Z. I’ve never been to his club, but I hear it’s really nice,” I replied.

  “You haven’t been there? For real?”

  “For real. I mean, I’ve been to his house. We were there a couple of weeks ago when he had that game, remember? But we didn’t go to the club.”

  “Girl, that’s your house, too, now!”

  “I know. It’s just hard to get used to the fact that what’s his is mine. Still hasn’t sunk in yet.”

  “Well, let it sink! His empire is your empire!”

  “Empire? You’re silly. But yeah, things have just moved so fast that I haven’t had time to get adjusted. He’s always so busy with everything, especially with all these games all over the place.”

  “And he’s been dragging your pregnant ass with him.”

  “I know, right? I followed Armand around last season, but this is just…different.”

  “I know it is, because you ain’t just following Leland around; you’re also getting the shit screwed out of you in the process.”

  “Yep, and I love it.”

  “Hell, I know you do! So, you and Boogie still haven’t made up?”

  I sighed. “No, but I’ve been stalking his social media. I miss him, but he took things too far. In the past, I apologized and tried to mend things even when it was his fault that we were broken.”

  “Honestly, it was always his fault, Kim.”

  “No…the guys I dealt with, the poor decisions I made? That was me. But anyway, I can’t be the one to fix us this time. Armand is gonna have to step up and own his shit. I can’t do it for him.”

  “Good for you. I’m just glad you have Leland…and the fact that he’s got money doesn’t hurt.”

  “Okay?!”

  We both laughed but were interrupted by the announcer. Our attention went to the floor as the lights in the arena dimmed, replaced by the flashing, spinning lights that were illuminating parts of the court and the crowd. I cheered when Polo’s name was called and grinned at Kendra, who sat just behind me. She loved her some Polo but didn’t trust him. I got it but hoped things would turn around for them. They were a good match, and after all, they’d been together forever.

  When Leland’s name was announced, I hopped to my feet even with my mile-wide hips and slight belly and screamed at the top of my lungs. I watched him do his new handshake which ended with him pointing me out in the crowd while Polo shaded his eyes like he was trying to find me, too. It was silly as hell, but I loved it.

  And I loved him.

  I loved him so much that I ignored the women a few rows above me who were screaming about how “motherfucking fine” he was.

  The game was good, but there was so much on my mind, like how the Cyclones needed this win if they were going to make the playoffs and how badly Leland wanted that to happen. My mind also traveled to Armand and the fact that the Heat wouldn’t be in the playoffs. I wondered who he was taking his anger over that out on and if it would land him in jail, because despite the state of our relationship, he was my son, my firstborn, and all I wanted was the absolute best for him. Then there was the fact that I’d be having a baby in five months, and since my husband had charmed my mother into being a halfway decent person, she was organizing a baby shower for me. That was nice, but it also meant she was calling me all the time, and even though she wasn’t berating me anymore and had even tried to talk some sense into Armand, her being so…involved set my nerves on edge. But that might have also been due to her incessant mentioning of Leland in every conversation.

  “How does Leland feel about this?”

  “What does Leland think about this?”

  “What would Leland say about that?”

  Leland, Leland, Leland!

  Hell, you’d think he was pregnant instead of me!

  Or, that he was her man instead of mine.

  I guess I should’ve been grateful for the change, but pregnancy hormones weren’t having it. She was working my last, lonely nerve!

  Despite all that was occupying my thoughts, I shifted my focus back to the action on the court where my man was showing completely out, and by the end of the game, the Cyclones had clinched their spot in the playoffs. I was on my feet again, cheering the victory as Leland and his teammates celebrated on the court. I knew the routine, knew it would be a while before I would leave the arena with him, and was preparing to wait with Kendra and the other wives and family members in our designated area when Leland climbed over the seats in front of me and grabbed me, lifting me off my feet and kissing me, the sweat from his face transferring to mine.

  I was laughing, caught up in his euphoria as he placed me back on my feet and held my face in his hands.

  “We did it, baby! We did it! Woo!” he shouted.

  “Congratulations, baby!” I yelled in response, returning the kiss he’d given me.

  In turn, he kissed me again, then bent over and planted a kiss on my stomach before leaving me to finish the post-game rituals.

  “See, that’s another reason why I can’t marry Polo. He ain’t never done nothing like that to me,” Kendra said.


  “Girl, I don’t know what my cousin did to that man, but I’ma find out!” Zabrina declared.

  “Besides giving him a hard time for months? I don’t know what I did, either, but I’m glad I did it.”

  32

  “You played your heart out tonight and everyone could see it. What did making the playoffs with this young Cyclones team mean to you?” the reporter from the Black Sports Now network asked.

  “It meant everything. I came here hoping for this, hoping I was joining a championship team, and now we’re on our way there. I’m proud of all of us.”

  “So this is confirmation that your decision to leave the Heat was a good one.”

  “Definitely.”

  “So the beef with Armand Daniels turned out to be a good thing for you.”

  “I didn’t leave over a beef with anyone. As I’ve stated many times before, there was never a beef on my end. Daniels is talented. I have nothing against him.”

  “Well, I guess you have to say that since he’s now your family, right?”

  This reporter was messy as hell. Most reporters had taken the high road when it came to my personal life, but this chick? Damn, was she with Black Sports Now or Tea Steepers?

  “I have always had nothing but respect for him. Always,” I responded.

  “Hmm, well, this has been quite a season for you. New team, new wife, baby on the way…how are you handling everything?”

  “All I can say is I’m blessed. I’m happy, and I couldn’t ask for a better life right now.”

  “Okay, one last question: I hear you’re a big Lil’ Kim fan. Is that true?”

  “I said it before and I’ll say it again. I Stan for her. Ain’t nothing changed.”

  “How does your wife feel about that?”

  I smiled and winked at the camera, knowing Kim would watch this interview later like she did all my interviews. “She’s cool with it.”

  *****

  This was my favorite thing about Kim being in my life—having someone to chill with after a game. Having someone to hold as my body recovered from the abuse I put it through in order to make a living. Having soft lips to kiss and a soft body to wrap myself around. But most of all, knowing that the lips, the body, and the woman were mine and mine forever. Knowing that she loved me and allowed me to love her. I’d been missing that before, even though I thought I didn’t need or want it, but I definitely needed and wanted her. And I loved her so much that the shit scared me. And my baby? Damn, I didn’t know you could love a person who wasn’t even born yet that much.